Remember that post I wrote? The one about struggling to go out, but once you’re out something great usually happens or you met someone interesting? If not read it here!
Well, it happened again!
I had made it to the party, step one.
Now to find my exit buddy, step two.
Trying to look at ease and confident, I search. Finally, I spot a friend of mine. It’s just the two of us talking for a bit but then somehow we are joined by an older couple (late 30’s). The man, at least a foot taller than me, decked out in black and sporting jewelry across his wrists and fingers, is full of buzzed energy. The woman beside him, a calmer opposite.
We are taken through his entire life it seems. He, an open character with very expressive movements, starts to encroach on my invisible defensive bubble. Naturally, my arms start to cross and my body starts to lean away. To take matters to another level he starts smoking which I was taught to disagree with.
He says he can read people and after he’s finished with his assessment of my friend he turns to me. According to him I was trying to appear relaxed and comfortable even though I wasn’t, I didn’t trust him, and I was sheltered.
I couldn’t deny it. He was right.
He continued on to say I wasn’t living my life to the fullest when one, I rejected his offer of trying a cigarette, two, denied his invitation for a ride on his motorcycle and three, wouldn’t consider joining a women’s biker club. I also had a lack of love for people because I was too cautious and wary, which was after I didn’t want to give him a hug goodbye, but instead offered a handshake.
He definitely hit some sore spots when he said I was only 24 and already living my life in a cage, to which I also couldn’t deny. I’m not a big partier. I stay in most nights, but sometimes I do think maybe I should go out more often. I actually started to think about taking him up on that bike ride.
What I didn’t realize until later with the help of a friend is that what brings me joy and fulfillment is not going to be equal to the man who rides motorcycles and is in a biker club. From his perspective it would be entirely true, but to me my life has been filled with both highs and lows, all perfectly crafted by the one Himself. I am both introvert and extrovert and everything in between, and only I can dictate what living my life to the fullest looks like. Live on your own terms in whatever capacity that may be. Don’t let yourself be discouraged by your life choices because it may not look the same or as glamorous as someone else’s.
However, I will take his advice on being more open to trying new things and maybe saying yes where I might’ve said no. Give it some thought and ask yourself if this “yes” will make you stronger, independent, confident, or better as a person. If not, maybe this one you can skip, give yourself respite for the next one. Finally, nobody wants to live their life with regrets so your deciding factor is ultimately “will I regret this if I don’t do it.”
I am living my life to the fullest if I am chasing my passions, creating art, exploring self-expression, finding moments to slow down and type my stories out, chasing knowledge, spending time with family, meeting new people and making them laugh, hanging with friends, and finding ways to serve God.
How are you living your life to the fullest?
Beautifully written! I always saw you as someone who said yes to life! Too many Italy memories to share hahah. So happy to hear how you are living your life to the fullest!
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Thank you Tori! Italy/traveling definitely brought out the crazier side in me 🙂 The challenge is to be spontaneous in the everyday moments. Not too crazy though haha!